Cohabitation and Marriage
This item was included as part of one sermon in the series on the Sermon on the Mount, the one covering Matthew chapter 5 verses 27-32, the section on sex and family life. Because we have seen such bewildering changes in recent years, and because the church has often appeared not to know how to react, it is worth giving fairly detailed notes on this issue.
At one end of the spectrum is what is often thought of as the traditional approach - i.e. sexual relations are kept until marriage (hence the white wedding dress). Recently this has been emphasised among some groups of Christian young people through the “Silver Ring Thing”.
At the other end of the spectrum is sex without commitment, with an attitude of easy come easy go, and with sexual relations instant, with no sense of waiting or building a lasting relationship.
In between is cohabitation or living together, where there may be a sense of mutual commitment to a greater or lesser degree, and where marriage may be either seen as unnecessary (“just a bit of paper”) or as something to come later, if the relationship works out.
We can represent this diagrammatically:
“Traditional” approach
Sexual relations kept until marriage
The Silver Ring Thing
Living together
Perhaps with a sense of commitment
Marriage seen either as unnecessary
or to come later
Sex without commitment
Easy come, easy go relationships
Instant, with no sense of waiting
How should we view these three approaches?
The one on the right clearly has no place for Christians and can truly be described as a sinful pattern. It goes with the disturbing rise in sexually-transmitted diseases, with the inability or failure to form proper relationships that seems so prevalent today, and with many aspects of breakdown in our society. However, clearly there is a great pressure for many young people to follow this pattern, and so often TV etc shows this as the obvious and normal way to act.
Evaluating the area in the middle, living together, requires more careful analysis of the Bible’s teaching. The key Bible passage is Genesis 2:18-25. This is part of the second account of creation, not of course to be taken literally, but with enormously important things to say to us. In the story, God says that it is not good for the man to be alone, so he creates the animals and brings them to the man. They all have place and significance, but none proves to be a suitable companion. So God forms woman from the man’s own body, and the man greets her with utter delight. Then comes the key comment in verse 24, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one.” This is the most crucial text in the Bible on this subject, involving (1) the man leaving his own family, (2) uniting with his wife, and (3) the two becoming truly one. But it says nothing about the need for a marriage ceremony! Indeed, in the Bible, although it mentions wedding feasts etc., it never says you have to go through such a ceremony. So long as the 3 factors above apply, the couple are in effect married.
